Bickery for Two
by Autumn810
Summary: Based off of my FFXV fic Rayne Drops. What started as a simple disagreement over body heat turns into a full blown war between Gladio and Rayne. Ignis loses his mind, Prompto's luck plummets, and there's plenty of jam to go around. Takes place at some point in the open-world portion of the game.
1. The Start of Pure Misery

**Here's the bizarre result of my summer boredom/procrastination. This was a suggestion for a chapter from the lovely Savage Kill awhile back andi tried to make it into a one-shot of just bickering, but, well... Let's just say nothing I do is "short." I tried my best XD**

* * *

 _In any other circumstances, this would be weird._ I shake my head and snuggle closer to my only source of heat, feeling myself drift off into blissful sleep despite my sore muscles and joints. After a late night of fighting off flan and iron giants as we searched desperately for a haven, we're completely exhausted. The edge of sweet unconsciousness approaches, sucking me down into darkness and…

Gladio stirs, grunting. I sigh, keeping my eyes shut and praying for him to go back to sleep. The prospect of sleeping in is a pleasant one considering the amount of running around and fighting we've been doing lately. No such luck.

"Get off me," Gladio grumbles, though he doesn't move.

"You're warm," I mumble, refusing to open my eyes and snuggling closer to the tattooed back facing me.

"Off."

"No."

"Rayne."

"I'm trying to sleep, Gladio."

"I'm trying to…"

"Shh…" I hush, running an ice-cold finger down the curve of his spine and feeling the goosebumps that raise up with devilish smile. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready."

"Okay," he scoffs, rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself up to his hands and knees. His amber eyes are hardly held open and the left side of his face is red with an imprint of the folds in his sleeping bag. "What'd Iggy put in that soup?"

"I didn't get any," I groan, flopping an arm over my face to block out the warm glow of the sun through the walls of the tent.

"You have a secret stash of alcohol somewhere then?" he asks. "Strange mushrooms? Cactuar spines?"

"Maybe," I grin, raising my arm to grin at him. "I could hook you up."

"Please don't… hook up in… here," Noctis mumbles sleepily, flipping onto his other side and dozing off. I give Gladio my best puppy eyes.

"Please come back?"

"No."

"Why not?" I challenge. "It's not weird, I'm just cold."

"Then come out to the fire," Gladio shrugs, tugging off his sweats and reaching for his usual leather pants. I huff, shielding my eyes.

"Warn a girl before dropping your pants. I can basically see through your underwear."

"If you look stare long enough." I can almost hear the stupid grin on his face.

"Well I stared long enough, and I must say, I'm not impressed."

"I think you're…" he starts cockily.

"You don't have Iggy's nice legs," I explain smugly.

"Get up," Gladio huffs, kicking at my side. "We gotta move today."

"Don't poke me with your feet," I snap playfully, though my voice is muffled by my forearm. I yelp when he kicks me just a bit harder in the ribs. "Gladio!"

"Up," he repeats. Glowering up at him, I push myself up into a sitting position. "All the way."

"Takin' it slow today," I yawn, stretching my arms over my head. Shaking his head, Gladio shrugs on his leather vest and heads toward the tent flap. I grin, lunging forward and wrapping my arms around the leg he steps forward. Then I tug backward toward me, knocking him off balance onto his face. He gives a pained grunt upon colliding with the ground. "I told you not to kick me," I say sweetly, climbing over him to leave the tent. I easily evade the lazy swipe he makes at my own ankle.

"Fighting already?" Ignis asks as I saunter up to his kitchen setup. He hands a paper plate loaded with eggs and a slice of buttered toast. I accept the plate gratefully, grabbing a fork and sitting by the fire across from Prompto.

"That's normal at this point," I remind him. Gladio steps out of the tent, brushing his messy hair back with his fingers and taking his plate from Ignis with a nod.

"You're slippin' something in her food, Iggy," Gladio accuses, dragging a fold-up camping chair over and sitting beside me. "Rayne's never in the mood to molest people's backs."

"I wasn't molesting anything," I scoff. Prompto fights a smile, pretending to be fully absorbed in his phone screen.

"I can assure you her meals are just the same as yours, Gladio," Ignis replies, dusting off his hands and pushing his glasses up swiftly. "Is Noct coming?"

"Prince Charmless is snoozing the day away," I muse, pushing my eggs around on my plate. I'm still freezing; the Cleide isn't exactly known for its warm, sunny weather. "Some beauty sleep might do him some good before he sees Luna."

"Might do you some good too," Gladio retorts. Prompto snickers and Ignis suppresses the small smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"Whatever you say, you giant #$ behemoth," I mutter.

"I'll get him up," Prompto offers, looking up at Ignis. Noct's advisor nods and the blonde scrambles to his feet. Gladio shovels another forkful of eggs into his mouth and I shake my head, taking out my phone and checking for any texts.

"Oh," Gladio says around his food. "This…" I tense as wet chunks of egg roll off my hair, down my clothes, and onto the ground around me. "Is for tripping me."

"Gladio!" I shout, shaking the cold eggs out of my shirt and flicking a piece off my phone screen, grimacing at the wet smudge it leaves. Gladio just grins and gets up to put his plate back at the cooking station. "Iggy!" I protest when the advisor simply shakes his head and pulls his black apron off. Leaping to my feet with plate in hand, I charge toward Gladio, determined to let him know how it feels to have cold, slimy, cheese-covered eggs smashed between his jacket and his ridiculously warm back.

"Absolutely not," Ignis says sharply, standing in my way. He grasps the plate and pulls it free from my grasp. "Since you don't seem to appreciate the work I put into your meal, you can go without it."

"But he…!"

"No," Ignis cuts me off and shakes his head, turning away to take care of my dish. Gladio gives me a smug smile and summons his sword, heaving it onto his broad shoulder.

"I'm gonna go see if I can't get a garula or two before we have to leave."

"Stay safe," Ignis nods, continuing to wash up. Gladio jumps down from the high ledge of the haven and takes off into the afternoon fog. _I'll get you later._

"What'd I miss!?" Prompto calls eagerly, trying to run out of the tent. Instead, his foot catches on the lip under the flap. I cringe when he falls face first into the rough rock of our campsite. He howls in pain, rolling onto his back and clutching his nose. His feet kick in the air wildly like a stuck adamantoise. " _My nose is leaking! Help Ignis, I'm dying!"_ Noctis appears in the doorway of the tent, squinting into the daylight. " _Oh, it hurts!"_ The prince takes one look around the camp, frowning at my egg-covered hair, Ignis's temple massaging, and finally at Prompto's rolling. Sighing, he shakes his head and turns back, closing the tent securely behind him with a breathy "Nope."


	2. Icky Sticky

Late in the afternoon, the fog has cleared and the sun beams down hotly overhead. We haven't made much progress toward anything today; the only packing being done is signaled by the clatter of Ignis's pots and pans on the opposite side of the haven. Noctis is finally awake, slouched against Prompto's back with a tired scowl drawn across his lips, his dark hair shielding his face from the sun. The blonde at his back looks completely absorbed in his phone; he downloaded a new game last night and hasn't broken away since. The light gives the bruise on his nose a better color.

I turn away from the scene with a small smile and go back to digging through Ignis's bag. _There it is._ At the last outpost we stopped in, there was a small marketplace he shopped at for ingredients and such. A woman who recognized us gave us three jars of some sort of jelly she made at home. Long story short, it smells just as awful as it tastes and, after each of us tried some, we collectively agreed to never touch it again. I'm ready to get Gladio for his one-sided food fight.

The jar is slim and short, filled to the brim with sticky red jam. Grinning, I zip Ignis's bag back up and shove the jar down the front of my shirt. No one would be able to tell the difference aside from the slight edge of the lid that presses lightly against the blue material. In my back pocket, I've already stashed a plastic spoon. Metal would be too cold. I step out of the tent carefully, pulling my hair tie out and ruffling the long strands that fall around my shoulders.

"We've gotta find somewhere to wash up soon, Iggy," I huff, snatching my jacket up off the ground and tying it around my waist. "Oh, and I saw some more of those peppers over by the woods."

"Which way?" Ignis asks crossing his arms. I point left to the group of trees about a hundred feet away. The tactician looks at the located and then back toward me. There's a moment of silence before he sighs and starts walking toward the edge of the haven. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Try not to kill each other."

And then he drops down, taking steady, long strides toward the edge of the woods. The second I'm sure he won't look back, I fish down the front of my shirt and grab the jar, earning an eyebrow raise from Noctis. Silently, I point to Gladio, whose been napping on his back peacefully for at least an hour. I walk closer, kneeling carefully at his side and unscrewing the lid.

"You can't be serious!" Prompto hisses with a quiet laugh. Noctis shakes his head, going back to hiding behind his hair, but I can tell he's still watching.

I take the spoon from my back pocket and dip it into the red substance. My nose crinkles automatically at the smell; the only way to describe it would be a fish that digested some strawberries and then started to rot on top of a pile of coins. It's potent stuff.

I scoop out a good amount of jam and _carefully_ place the blob on Gladio's stomach. Thankfully, it's warm enough that he doesn't immediately wake up. He only stirs the slightest bit, adjusting his arms behind his head before going still. I empty the entire jar onto his bare front before using the back of the spoon to spread it thin. Prompto snickers, muffling his giggles behind his hand. I resist the urge to gag at the smell and toss the jar into the grass below.

"You want to do the honors?" I ask Noctis. He raises an eyebrow.

"And get my #$ kicked? I'm good."

I shrug indifferently and get down on all fours, leaning my face down close to his ear. Taking a deep breath, which I come to regret because of the smell of the jam mixed with the scent of sweat, I decide on the best way to wake our giant friend up.

" _Gladio, get up! Noct's in trouble!"_ I shout. He jumps, sitting up quickly and summoning his sword to his hand. And then he does a double take, frowning at the snickering pair of boys across the haven. I can't help it; I fall onto my back, laughing so hard I think I might lose my lunch.

"What's that…?" he starts, grimacing and looking down at his chest. Dropping his sword, he turns with so much anger my heart actual stops for a second. "You son of a…!"

I roll to my feet when he grabs for me, laughing and running across the rock. He growls something under his breath and drags himself to his feet. Prompto groans, covering his nose.

"Ew, dude! Take a bath or something!"

"This day hasn't been too good so far," Gladio mutters, his expression lightening as he takes slow steps toward me. "You know what I could use?"

"A shower?" I guess innocently, unable to contain my amused grin.

"No, not quite," he shakes his head, stepping closer. I hold my breath as the smell creeps toward me. "I could really use a hug."

" #$% you!" I laugh, dodging his lunge toward me. "Hey…!" My foot slips on the edge of the haven and I wind up falling backwards off the edge. I wince as my arm slams into a jagged rock on the way down, grunting when I hit the ground with a hard thud. "Holy _Shiva!"_ I hiss, clutching my arm. The bleeding scrape on the back of my arm burns when my fingers brush it, my entire arm throbbing and sending shooting pains through my bones.

"Are you alright?" Ignis asks, kneeling by my side. I sit up, grimacing as he reaches out and examines my arm, setting his pile of peppers and mushrooms to the side. He frowns, glancing up at the three men looking over the edge of the haven in silence. "It seems you've broken your humerus. I thought I told you not to get each other killed?" He holds out his free hand and summons a hi-potion.

"No one's dead," I huff, wincing when he presses his fingers in too deeply into my arm.

"Hey Iggy," Gladio calls down, motioning to his chest. "She covered me in that smelly # $% from your bag."

"You— "Ignis cuts himself off, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. I frown as the glittering green bottle disappears, replacing itself with a plain potion.

"Iggy, what…"

"Stop acting like a child and you may receive an adult's dose," he replies simply, pressing the potion into my hand and gathering his vegetables.

"What are you…?" I watch in disbelief as he turns and walks away, Gladio chuckling and clapping a hand down on Prompto's back. The blonde's laughs quickly turn into a strangled shout of surprise as he tumbles over the edge.

"Gladio!" Noctis protests, watching Prompto writhe on the ground beside me.

"Astrals, my _butt!"_ Prompto cries, throwing his legs in the air and clutching his rear. "Ignis _help!"_

I sigh, looking between Prompto and the potion for a moment longer before shrugging and crushing the curative in my hand. "My arm still hurts," I mumble, stumbling my way back to camp.


	3. Gladdy Long Legs

After this morning's events, Ignis decided it would be a good idea for Gladio and I to be separated for a while. Which means _I_ get the front seat. That would be great if I didn't have two enormous knees stuck in my back.

"Gladio, move your legs."

"I can't."

"Gladio," I huff, throwing my head against the headrest.

"Rayne," he counters from behind his book. "Can't shrink my legs, sorry. Maybe if you move your seat up." Rolling my eyes, I slide my seat forward until my knees are in the dashboard. For a few seconds, everything's fine and I'm sure it'll blow over. And then I catch Gladio sinking lower in his seat. Those two annoying bumps are back. I press my lips together tightly and stare out the window hard. But that annoying pressure gets worse and worse and I can still see him sinking…

"Gladio," I snap, swiveling around to sit on my knees the passenger seat. "Knock it off."

"Knock what off?" he asks, continuing to read.

"Get your knees out of my back."

He raises an eyebrow, looking over the edge of the royal blue cover and eyes his knees. His eyes flicker back up to me. "They're not in your back." My face goes deadpan and Prompto snaps a picture on his camera.

"Really?" I snap. He shrugs and goes back to flipping through his photos. "Gladio, sit on your #$, not your spine."

"How does one sit on their spine?" he grumbles, his eyes flitting over the words on the page.

"Gladio, I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop irritating Rayne," Ignis warns, glancing up into the rearview mirror.

"I'm not doing anything," he replies. "She's tired."

"Yeah okay." I reach forward and snatch the book out of his hands, scanning over the page and grimacing. "So, Liam's got some nice 'chocolate orbs,' huh?" I turn the page. "Ah yes. Here's the cheesy romance I was looking for… Ick, why do you read this crap?"

"Because I like it," he replies dryly.

"I agree," Ignis chips in, turning the Regalia smoothly. "Gladio's taste in reading material is… questionable, to say the least." His green eyes glance at me quickly before turning back to the road. "Sit down correctly, Rayne."

"Give me my book back," Gladio huffs, reaching for the bound papers in my hand. I snatch it out of his reach, sticking my tongue out before sitting back down. His knees press harder into my back than before.

"Nope," I reply, flipping through the pages boredly.

"Give it back," Ignis commands, exasperated. Glancing at his tightening grip on the steering wheel, I sigh and toss the book back over my head. Hardly seconds later, there's a less-than-manly scream that leaves the Regalia swerving out into the other lane of traffic and right back again.

"My _nose!"_ Prompto wails, clutching his face. Gladio picks his book up from the blonde's lap, trying to find the last page he was on. " _Ignis…!"_

"Quiet!" Ignis thunders, glaring up into the rearview mirror.

Needless to say, no one spoke for the remainder of the trip.


	4. Hot Spring Fiasco

At the next campsite, Ignis makes a point of keeping me and Gladio separated. Gladio sets up the tent with Noct's help and I'm stuck lugging bags back and forth between the haven and the car. The walk is (unfortunately) quite long, and I wind up loading myself up as much as I can with each trip, what with me carrying sleeping bags and cooking sets and such.

I dig further into the trunk, slinging my own bag over one shoulder and Noct's over another. Reaching behind me and fumbling around is awkward, but I manage to clip the two clasps from each bag together, intertwining them and effectively connecting both bags and making my life much easier. I grit my teeth upon holding up Gladio's bag, grimacing at the ridiculously heavy backpack and tossing it to the ground behind me. My nose crinkles; I can _still_ smell that jam.

Ignis's charcoal gray duffle bag goes over my left shoulder, putting me just the slightest bit off balance. I check the trunk for anything else we might need before reaching up to close the trunk. I slight shuffle behind me causes my muscles to instantly stiffen. Carefully, I glance down at Gladio's bag, my heart catching in my throat. _Do I… kill it?_

The saberclaw snuffles its sharp nose into the pocket of the black bag, pawing at the pack meekly. It's smaller than any I've ever seen, thinner, if that's even possible. The horns that would adorn the usual saberclaw's skin are cracked and split stumps with some just missing altogether. Using one long, curled talon, it unhooks the zipper and digs deeper. Then, I get it. _Gladio and his gosh-dang Cup Noodles._ I sigh, reaching to nudge the bag with the tip of my boot; the saberclaw hisses, swatting at my ankle with a low growl. With its other front foot, it skewers the styrofoam of the dried noodles and pulls it from the bag.

"C'mon, dude," I mutter, the creature glowering at me with a pair of golden eyes. "He's gonna think that was me."

When I make another move toward the bag, the saberclaw yelps, picking up Gladio's noodles with its massive fangs and leaping past me into the trunk of the Regalia. Before I can react, its tail catches the back end of the lid and the trunk closes firmly. I stare at the back of the car for a bit longer before sighing, shaking my head, and lugging Gladio's bag with me back to camp. _I'll take care of it tomorrow._

"Is that everything?" Ignis asks, rolling up his sleeves and taking his bag from me.

"Pretty sure," I huff, shrugging off the rest of the luggage and falling hard onto my back. The clouds above my head catch the golden light of the setting sun, drifting gently across the fading sky. _Pretty cool._

"My face still hurts," Prompto mumbles, touching the deep bruise across his face gingerly. "Why can't I use a potion, Iggy?"

"We're running low on curatives," Ignis replies, resting his chin between his forefinger and his thumb as he scans over his remaining ingredients. "I believe using a potion on a _bruise_ might be a bit of a waste."

"Can't you just brew one with your fancy magic cooking powers," the blonde groans, flopping onto the ground beside me miserably. "It _hurts."_

"Grow up," Gladio grumbles, heading out of the tent and grabbing the last of the sleeping bags before disappearing yet again.

"Specs is plenty of things," Noctis yawns, stretching his arms over his head. "But a witch isn't one."

"That's up for debate," I reply, sitting up. "Hey Iggy, you said there were some hot springs nearby?"

"There are," Ignis nods, motioning out toward the west side of the woods we're camped in. "Past those trees. A good thing, considering how his Highness likes to peep like a school boy."

"It was _once!"_ Noctis groans. "And I wasn't watching, I just zoned out."

"I have to admit, it was a bit awkward turning around and seeing you staring at me," I laugh. Apparently, Noct hadn't gotten the memo and sat on the edge of the haven facing the small, clear lake we'd found. The poor guy was just thinking, hadn't even thought about the fact that I was cleaning up over there and… Let's just a say it's a good think I'm never butt-naked in these situations. Prompto laughs before groaning and falling back onto the rock with a grimace.

"Here," the prince huffs, throwing a gray towel at my head.

"See ya soon, Princess," I wink, hopping down from the glowing edge of the haven and heading toward the cluster of thicker trees. The smell of heated, slightly sulfer-y water reaches my nose almost as soon as I reach the edge of the trees, but it's not unwelcome. I pass the branches gingerly and gaze out at the little hidden paradise.

Steaming water flows over the edge of a flat, sandy cliff-side, expanding over several small, stair-stepped pools. The pools overflow down into a wider, deeper spring filled with slightly discolored water. I, however, have no problem getting over the yellowish tint and toss my towel onto the warm rocks below my feet before stripping down to my underwear and dipping a foot in carefully. _Perfect._

With a contented sigh, I slip into the water and relax in the soothing heat. _Man, I can't wait to find the next hotel room._ I take a deep breath and sink down under the surface, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the heat burning against my cheeks. Astrals know how long I stay under the water, numb to the rest of the world with my hair swirling around me like a holy veil from the gods themselves. As much as I love my friends, it feels great to get away from the guys and just enjoy some time alone in my own little haven.

When I surface, I take a big gulp of air, pushing my air out of my face and taking a good look around. _I could've sworn I heard…_

"Graceful," Gladio grunts behind me. I jump, swiveling around under the water and rolling my eyes.

"What're you doing, you creep?" I huff, crossing my arms, not that he can see them very well underneath the gentle waves.

"Nothing," he replies innocently, looking around at the spring. "Was just… checking it out."

"Uh-huh," I mutter, glancing at the bare rocks under his boots and giving a hefty sigh. "Gladio, where'd you put my stuff?"

"Didn't touch it," he shrugs, lifting his hands with a smug smile.

"Gladio…"

"Looks nice out here," he comments, turning around. "Better head back before they get worried, though."

"Gladio!" I protest.

"See ya," he waves, pushing the branches of the trees aside only to freeze suddenly.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

"Iggy!" I cheer, grinning at the tactician. Gladio steps back awkwardly as Ignis steps into the secluded area.

"I've had it with the two of you," Ignis says sternly, his eyes filled with bitter annoyance as he looks between us. "Gladio, return Rayne's clothing."

"I didn't…"

" _Now_."

I feel my own heart start pumping faster just at seeing Gladio's "you serious?" face. When Ignis uses that tone of voice, you don't argue. You do exactly as he says before you find two daggers deep in your chest. However, Gladio decides to push back _very_ carefully.

"Theyre over here," he mutters, motioning the rocks behind the top few pools. "You get 'em if you care so much." Ignis scowls at him, brushing past bitterly and grabbing the messy pile of laundry. I watch in stiff silence as my towel is dropped on the rock in front of my face. Nodding to Ignis in thanks, I reach up to the rough edge of the spring and drag myself out of the water, quickly rolling up in the towel. Gladio chuckles.

"Real graceful, huh Iggy?" he teases, elbowing the unsuspecting advisor. I cringe inside and out as Ignis stumbles backwards into the water with a big splash. Gladio exchanges an unreadable glance with me before carefully backing toward the trees. Ignis breaks the surface, his hair wilted and plastered to his forehead and his glasses hardly hanging on to the end of his nose. When he stands, his clothes are glued to his body tightly and his entire face is terrifyingly unreadable.

"Sorry, Iggy," Gladio starts, only to be cut off.

"Don't," Ignis warns, pushing up his glasses and tugging firmly on his gloves. "Just… Go to the tent. Both of you. I'd rather not see you for the rest of today."

"But…" I protest. A single finger raises stiffly and Ignis's eyes flare for just a second.

"Not. A. Word."


	5. The Almost Truce

The walk back to camp is miserably silent as Ignis leads us back to the haven like an angry father with his two misbehaving children. I tug on my clothes as I go; Gladio makes a point of keeping his eyes directly ahead of him. Prompto and Noctis stop all conversation upon seeing us, sensing the obvious tension. I toss my wet towel to the side and crawl into the tent behind Gladio, laying on the opposite side of the tent.

There's a long, dead silence that surrounds the tent, broken only by the hum of more pleasant conversation outside. I push my hair up onto my pillow and off my neck, huffing at the feel of the wet material on my back. It's already getting colder as the sun sinks lower on the horizon, leaving the tent bathed in desaturated colors. Gladio stays against the opposite wall with his hands folded behind his head and his eyes shut. It's pretty clear he hasn't fallen asleep yet when he speaks quietly.

"Think we pushed it?" he asks.

"We?" I raise an eyebrow, propping my head up on my hand and turning on my side to face him. "I think you were going for the big buttons today."

"I'm still sticky," he mutters, opening one eye to give me an accusatory look.

"That was my big hurrah," I huff. "And even then, I wound up breaking my arm."

"Not my fault."

Another stubborn silence consumes us for a few minutes. Then a shudder racks down my spine. The combination of the cool air, my wet hair, and the crackle of the fire outside really start getting to me. I don't want to _lose_ this battle of wills, but…

"You cold?" Gladio asks, glancing at me.

"A little," I admit, staring up at the ceiling. He nods, awkwardly shuffling his way across the short distance and laying down to my right. I raise an eyebrow in question.

"How about we never do that again?" he says finally, finally turning to face me.

"Sounds good to me," I nod, hiding my smile. I hold up my pinky. "Truce?"

"Truce," he chuckles, linking his little finger (which is at least three times bigger) with mine. We hold the symbol of agreement for a moment longer before dropping our hands. Grinning, I close my eyes, snuggling closer to the heat of his chest. _It's just a bit weird… but I'm cold so._

The next morning, I drag myself away from Gladio, groaning miserably. _Too much heat._ I wipe the sweat off my forehead and grimace at the sticky feeling on my arms. _That stupid jam…_

"What time is it?" Gladio grumbles, sitting up. I turn on my phone, sighing.

"Ten thirty." We're both falling out of our early-morning habits lately. Even Noctis has left the tent.

"It's hot," he huffs, swiping at his dripping face.

"Getting sandwiched between me and Prompto'll do that," I shrug, forcing myself to my feet and shuffling out of the tent.

Ignis wordlessly hands me a plate with eggs and toast, though his approach is much gentler than it would have been last night. With a grateful nod, I shovel my breakfast into my mouth to satisfy the angry grumble in my stomach. Noctis continues packing his things, checking his phone occasionally. I swallow my mouthful of food and motion toward the haven.

"Where's Prompto?"

"He just left to put the bags in the Regalia," Noct replies, turning around and sitting to start at the ashes of the dead fire. "Should be back in a sec." I nod and move to take another bite.

There's a sharp scream that stops me in my tracks. Ignis frowns, looking in the direction of the car. Hardly seconds later, Prompto comes sprinting wildly through the trees. Gasping for air with his hands pressed to his knees, the blonde chokes out his words breathlessly.

"There's a… a… in the trunk," he wheezes.

"A what?" Ignis asks, crossing his arms. My heart stops. _I completely forgot about… Oh no._ I set my plate on the ground slowly and carefully get to my feet.

"A… saberclaw," Prompto forces out. "It was eating… Cup Noodles…"

"Cup Noodle?" Gladio demands, stepping out of the tent.

"That's what you care about?" Noctis raises an eyebrow. "Not the screaming?" Gladio shrugs indifferently.

"A saberclaw," Ignis muses, pinching his chin thoughtfully. I very slowly back away toward the edge of the rock. "But how would it get in?"

"Who opened the trunk last?" Noct asks, looking around at us. Instantly, four pairs of eyes point at me in accusation. I laugh nervously, lifting my hands innocently.

"What? N-no, I didn't put a... a saberclaw in the trunk. That's ridiculous!" I defend weakly.

"You gave it my noodles?" Gladio growls. I turn on my heels sharply, sprinting to the end of the haven. My collar slams into my throat as I'm jerked back by the back of my shirt, forced to dangle beside Gladio.

"Hey!" I yelp, struggling against his grip.

"She just doesn't learn," Prompto shakes his head, crossing his arms. A hint of a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth.

"Indeed," Ignis agrees, pushing his glasses up higher. "What should we do, Highness?"

"Guys, c'mon," I plead. "It wasn't on purpose!"

"I think I have an idea," Noctis replies smoothly. I gulp nervously upon seeing the devilish grin that pulls across his face.

"You know, I really don't like being crushed by all this stuff," Prompto says, his voice muffled.

"It's worth it," Noctis replies, calling back to me, "Right, Rayne?" They laugh when I don't reply.

"You think she'll be alright?" Prompto asks, a hint of concern laced in his youthful voice.

"Yeah," Gladio chuckles. "The ride's short and that thing's not gonna make a move."

 _It better not._ Even in the dark, I can see the outline of the saberclaw that's growling next to me. I never knew the trunk was this wide, but even with the space, me and this frightened beast are far too close together. _What the heck kind of abuse is this?_ There's a thud on the top of the trunk.

"You alive in there?"

"Yeah, make a sound if you're okay!"

"Rayne?"

I grunt as Ignis slams on the break, the car coming to a rough stop. My stomach turns, tightening uncomfortably and my friends laugh. _Sadistic little…_

"Yeah, she's alive," Noct affirms.

"Ow! _Ignis_ , Gladio hit me!"

"Gladio…" Ignis warns.

"Wait, let's get another selfie on her phone!'

The saberclaw snarls, flashing its fangs and letting its rancid breath float through the small compartment. I sigh, reaching up to massage my jam-covered temples. _I knew I should've stayed in Insomnia._ I glance up at the saberclaw.

"Wanna kill me?" I ask half-hopefully. My only response is a weak growl before it closes its eyes and dozes off. I sigh. "Of course not." Following the creature's lead, I curl up as best as I can and close my eyes, drifting off to the sound of friendly bickering and terrible puns.

The unfortunate sound of home.


End file.
